Month 5 ACL Post-Op: Navigating Family, Fitness, and Future Paths
Reflections on supporting my mom's imminent hip surgery, measuring muscle mass, and embracing a new fitness challenge
Hello friendly readers and happy Sunday,
This week, there are a handful of things on my mind when it comes to reflecting on recovery in the last week and thinking about recovery in the week to come.
The Biggest Thing, Thing #1: My Mom's Imminent Hip Replacement Surgery
This week, I'm flying up to New York for my mom's hip replacement surgery. The surgery is on Thursday, but I'll be there a day before and a few days after to help keep her company, keep her comfortable, and basically return the favors of everything she did for me after my own lower-body surgery just over five months ago.
From Whole Foods runs after my operation in April to pushing me in a wheelchair around Las Vegas during our July vacation, my mom has been an unsung hero in my recovery process. While it sucks for both of us to have had major surgeries this year, I'm fortunate that her hip pain didn't prevent her from helping me through my recovery, and that my post-op progress—while still far from performant—is far enough along to help her through the critical moments of her pre- and post-op journey.
Everyone tells us that a joint replacement is easier to endure than a ligament reconstruction, but I know my mom can't help feeling a little nervous after seeing how my ACL surgery diminished me, physically and mentally. My mother is more active than I am (or ever was, except during my jiu-jitsu sabbatical): she walks a minimum of a half-marathon a day, with her first ten-thousand steps clocked in before most people wake up. Her lifestyle revolves around continuous movement, from walking the dogs to running errands to strolling the boardwalk.
I have no doubt that with her new bionic hip, she will return to her active pace of living—just not right away. For those first few days post-op, she will be managing pain and feeling "lazy" by her standards (which is simply "normal" for most people). I expect she’ll struggle with this temporary state of "slowness" in order to move faster and better in a matter of weeks.
My hope is that by year's end, she’ll feel good enough to walk a 5K and fully resume the activities she most enjoys—doing barre classes, baking granola—and by springtime, get back on the golf course with a hip as durable as her 9 iron. Until then, I'm grateful to be able to support her however I can, flying up from Atlanta as needed to aid in her care and recovery.
A Medium Thing, Thing #2: A New Recovery Metric
This past week, I invested in a DEXA scan to get a more accurate assessment of my body composition. While not cheap, I've always wanted to do one, and figured it would be valuable for gauging my recovery progress and finding new ways to measure my physical development outside of the (increasingly frustrating) PT milestones.
The scan yielded some good results: above-average bone density (important given my mom's osteoporosis) and low visceral fat (the "bad fat" associated with cancers, heart disease, etc.). But the most interesting metrics related to lean muscle mass, particularly the comparison between my left and right leg.
The difference? 1.5 lbs of muscle. It's visible to the eye. When I flex my left quad compared to the right, it's like the left is missing a 1.5 lb chicken breast on top.
While that's a significant discrepancy, it's unquestionably less severe than it was months ago. And now, having that number is incredibly helpful. I can measure it, so I can manage it. I know exactly what I'm working towards to reach muscular equivalency: regaining that 1.5 lbs on the left. Cue the single-leg exercises ad nauseam.
I used to be afraid of numbers when it came to my body, and sometimes I still am. When training jiu-jitsu, I was a slave to the scale for making weight. After injury and surgery, I let the scale battery die, afraid to see how out of shape I'd become. As a kid, I constantly compared my body to my mother's, which was never a fair comparison.
Growing older, I see numbers for what they are: valuable insofar as the meaning ascribed to them and, depending on context, potentially misleading or limited. Someone can be 100 lbs of skin and bones or 100 pounds of muscle. A scale or BMI won't always faithfully indicate if you're fat or thin, healthy or unhealthy.
Numbers need context and purpose to be truly useful and conducive to understanding—and ideally, action. This is as true in health and fitness as it is in political polling (the former inescapable in my personal life, the latter inescapable living in Georgia, a swing state—but I digress).
A Small Thing, Thing #3: About that Picture on Instagram
I haven't been outright about it here, even though this Substack's title is inspired by research on bodybuilder Francielle Mattos, whose most recent campaign at The Arnold 2024 was, verbatim, "Undeniable." For the past 8 weeks, I've been in a "lifestyle transformation" program with a respected figure in the bodybuilding world, with a few more weeks to go.
On one hand, it's been a way to stay busy and active while sidelined from jiu-jitsu. But, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't also hoping to compete in at least one amateur bodybuilding show in the coming years and write something substantial about the experience. I say "coming years" because I'd prioritize a healthy pregnancy over posing in a show at single-digit body fat.
It's an interest I couldn't really entertain before because the essences of bodybuilding and jiu-jitsu training are fundamentally at odds. Both are mentally and physically taxing lifestyles, but bodybuilding is weighed and measured down to the last calorie, while jiu-jitsu is far less regimented.
I'll save my other thoughts on the parallels and contrasts between these practices for future writing. I have a great interview from March with Laurah Hallock, a multi-time IBJJF Black Belt World medalist and bikini competitor, that I haven't been able to publish due to work, surgery, and life's general chaos. I plan to share her insights on Substack before year's end.
But I digress (again). Here's why I wanted to bring this picture up this week:
First, my progress picture above generated a lot of interest in what I was doing, which is:
Cardio: 40 minutes daily
Food: 1500-1600 calorie meal plan, broken down by macros into 3 meals and 6 snacks
5 workout days, 2 rest days per week. Workouts include 2x shoulder, 1x back, 1x leg, 1x chest. Plus 2x glute workouts added to any day except rest days.
Second, it's a mindfuck because while I may look like I'm in the best shape of my life aesthetically, I'm still not "better." I can't jump rope, run, descend stairs comfortably, do a bodyweight leg extension, or train jiu-jitsu. I've plateaued in PT. The smile in my pic isn't fake—I'm happy about the bodybuilding results and my husband's encouragement to share—BUT my left leg remains far from normal, and my return to jiu-jitsu is at least four months away.
Nevertheless, I have to "come out" with the bodybuilding thing, as I'll be writing more about it here, especially in the context of returning to jiu-jitsu and considering pregnancy. My writing will curve towards exploring:
The capabilities and resilience of bodies, especially female bodies
Mental and physical strength
Lessons on health, aging, performance, and resilience from the subcultures and experiences I'm familiar with (combat sports, ACL recovery), opting into (pregnancy, bodybuilding), or fascinated by (too many to list)
I hope you're as excited as I am for the writing journey to come.
Closing out
I may try to share insights next Sunday from the U-HAUL my husband drove from Boston to Atlanta last week. If not, it's because I'm traveling back from supporting my mom post-surgery and preparing to start a new job the week of September 30th.
If not next week, see you in October,
EZ